Nouveau Cockney, it’s not what you say; it’s how you say it.

Once my kids were grown I thought I would not have to listen to Lion King played all day every day for 2 years until I became a grandmother. I would then be able to just send my grand-kids home with their parents once our visit was over. Once my children moved out of the house I didn’t think I would have to be subjected to crazy rap music or the Kardashians either! I have since learned that there will most likely be an endless supply of crazy shows with little to no social value on into the future.

If you have ever watched “The only way is Essex” reality show you might be like me and not be able to understand what the heck they are all talking about because their accents are so strong and they have a lot of weird words. They may not even  be real words. (Essex is a county that has a border right up next to London and that is all I know about it.) Once the group of over indulged children start talking, they talk faster and faster and faster and if you throw in a bunch of made up words it is impossible to understand without subtitles.

Nouveau Cockney is a foreign dialect. Most of the Cockney vowels are elongated into diphthongs and triphthongs, the resulting rhythm tends to be choppy according to Foreign Dialects: A Manual for Actors, Directors, and Writers  By Lewis Herman, Marquerite Shalett Herman.

Here’s a few translations from the Essex dictionary:
‘reem’ – a term of endearment to mean ‘cool’
‘glamping’ – glamorous camping
‘shaaaaap’ – please be quiet
‘well jell’ – I am most jealous
‘awmygawd’ – heavens above!
‘awight babe?’ – hello darling
‘politicious’ – politicians
‘arrrra’ – hello
‘naaaloooor’ – nightclub
“alma chizzit” – how much is it
“assband” – housebound
“dan in the maff” – down in the mouth

Sadly, all the choppy talk does is make me slightly seasick so I have to drink Ginger Ale and go lie down. I want to be better prepared for whatever shows or music I will want to ignore in the future so I am going to order a pair of hunting headsets to provide protection for my ears. My advise to you? Be prepared.

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