Tag Archives: Well-Meaning

Why I taught my children to be open with thoughts and feelings?

No really, why did I teach my kids to be open and express their thoughts and feelings without embarrassment? I am regretting how well I did teach them and wished I would have thought that through a bit more.

Coming from a family with parents who had only 3 feelings, I surmised that this type of self-awareness of ones feelings and emotions could only be good for children. I taught my children to tell me how they feel, tell the doctors, the teachers and tell their friends how they feel and this will help them along in life.

I was doing just OK with this concept with the teenager when my youngest was born with ears that stuck out about 40%.

The psychological distress caused by prominent ears can be considerable. The main clinical significance of prominent ears is the aesthetic problems, which can lead to a reduced quality of life, reduced self-esteem, social avoidance behavior and poor performance in school. Teasing at school causes both short-term unhappiness and a potential long-term impact on perception of self-image and self-worth. Children and adults alike with ears that stick out may experience a damaged psyche secondary to outside ridicule and self-criticism.[1]

So, knowing the day would come when she would want to have her ears fixed, I taught my little girl with ears that stuck out that she had beautiful elf ears. She became so confident in the fact that she had special elf ears that even the boys who teased her in elementary school could not rattle her. “I don’t have Dumbo ears, I have elf ears!” she would say and then leaving no opportunity for discussion dismiss anything else they tried to say to her. I was very proud of her confidence.

Now fast forward ten years. The oldest is in her 30’s and youngest in her 20’s. So now when I ask my daughters, either of them, how this event or that weekend was I may often wish I hadn’t asked in the first place. I have to listen carefully and consider the response. There may be parts of the response where I have to cover my ears and say “Stop! Stop! No don’t tell me” or “No don’t send me a picture, NOOO!!!!!”

You are probably wondering how I could possibly have any regrets about the success of teaching my children to express their feelings? TMI as they say. Some things just can’t be unsaid.

[1] Prominent Ears. Information about protruding ears | Patient. (n.d.). Retrieved December 8, 2015, from http://patient.info/doctor/prominent-ears#ref-1


Things baby boomers don’t want their children to do for them –ever!

As a Baby Boomer with 2 adult children, both daughters, one is from Gen X and the other is a Millennial. It has occurred to me that my daughters may at some point have to help care for me as I age if I am not able to care for myself. That thought wasn’t too bothersome until this last year. I have that same thought when I see my daughters eat or drink some wild concoctions of “juices” that I just don’t really want to drink, and then……(wait for it) -they insist I TASTE the mix!

I just don’t want to drink spinach! Why can’t I just cook it and then eat it? Why must I drink it? I will eat the whole bag of spinach and then I will eat the yogurt ingredient later when I am hungry again so please don’t throw them both in a blender. Likewise I am sure burnt toast with bee pollen and soaked smashed orange peel is something I do not even want to eat.

Us parents with Gen X’rs, Millennials or post Millennial aged children will come across some of the same issues and thoughts as I have. Like the time my daughter almost choked me when she was trying to put makeup on me, holding me down with a slight choke hold when I protested. Or when my Millennial insisted we bond for the afternoon and go get bikini waxes! How in the world can these be the children I raised you ask? No answer. My biggest fear right now is that I will be in a wheelchair and one of my “Well-Meaning” children will have put way too much makeup on me, made me drink some awful green stuff and be wheeling me in to finally get that bikini wax she thinks I should “treat” myself to.

We Baby Boomers need a secret code word, one that we can YELL out if we need to be rescued from these situations. I will get to work on that and find us a special word. Someone needs to do this, so I will.

To be continued….